If I pay $500 per month to my ex-wife to help with childcare expenses, but it is not court-mandated child support, can I claim it on my taxes?

[mikehl84]

Here are some facts:
-Her current husband doesn't work, but he stays home and cares for the kids, allowing me to work.
-Her current husband has been assisting with at-home learning during the pandemic.
-I have been paying them $500/month to try and off-set these costs during the pandemic.

[Hal_Al]

Q. can I claim it on my taxes?

A. No.

It's essentially child support, even if not called that, and child support is not deductible. 

The day care credit can only be claimed by the parent the child lives with (the custodial parent), even if the non-custodial parent is claiming the child as a dependent.  The child care credit cannot be claimed for paying a spouse to baby sit.

[Hal_Al]

You don't say who claims the child or whether you alternate claiming the child.  Here's some info on that.

The custodial parent has first priority on claiming the children on her taxes; regardless of the amount of support provided by the non-custodial parent. The IRS goes by physical custody, not legal custody. The non-custodial parent can only claim the child as a dependent if the custodial parent gives permission (on form 8332) or if it's spelled out in a pre 2009 divorce decree. Even if a divorce decree, dated after 2008, gives the non-custodial parent the right to claim the child, he must still get form 8332 from the custodial parent. A properly worded decree should require her to provide that form. https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8332.pdf

There is a way to split the tax benefits. For future negotiations with the other parent (and maybe even for this year) the following info may be of use:

 There is a special rule in the case of divorced & separated (including never married) parents. When the non-custodial parent is claiming the child as a dependent/exemption/child tax credit; the custodial parent is still allowed to claim the same child for Earned Income Credit, (and Head of Household filing status, and day care credit, when applicable). This "splitting of the child" is not available to parents who lived together at any time during the last 6 months of the year; then only one of you can claim the child for any tax reasons. The tax benefits may not be split in any other manner.

Note in particular that the non-custodial parent can never claim the Earned Income Credit, Head of Household filing status or the day care credit, based on that child, even when the custodial parent has released the dependency to him.

Ref: https://www.irs.gov/publications/p17#en_US_2017_publink1000170897

Scroll down to "Children of divorced or separated parents (or parents who live apart)"

You can if you are the custodial parent.  The custodial  parent is the parent the child lived with for more than 183 nights in 2020 (more than 182 nights  in 2019).

Of particular interest for 2020, is child based stimulus payment. See https://ttlc.intuit.com/community/taxes/discussion/i-am-divorced-with-primary-custody-of-my-son-in-2...