We live over an hour apart and each own our own home. We have exes and don't wish to move our children. Therefore, we intend to get married but not live together until my children graduate in 6 years. Can we each file head of household? We do not contribute to each others debt.
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Probably not, and it would be very dangerous to try.
First of all, you can't claim head of household status unless you provide care in your home for a qualifying dependent, usually your child, who must live with you for at least half of the year. So if you have children with another parent, you have to be the custodial parent in order to claim the child as a qualified person for head of household.
Then, if you are married, you cannot use the head of household status unless you are separated for at least all of the last six months of the tax year. You can't live in the same home or share the same household. A household is not necessarily a house, or apartment, or particular structure. For example, two families who share a house to save on rent, can be two different households if they lead essentially separate lives. On the other hand, one family that has two homes, such as a main home and a vacation home, cannot claim to be two separate households, even if the two properties are in different peoples names. They are one household, because they share finances, they share activities, they share meals, they shared decisions on raising the children, they share clothing shopping, and everything else that makes them a family.
I think it is very unlikely that if you are married, you would be two separate households in fact, even if you live at two different addresses. And I think the IRS would probably view it as a sham to get favorable tax treatment. You would have to work very hard to convince the IRS that you were existing in two completely separate households in the full meaning of the word, rather than simply dividing your time between two properties who's ownership is in different names.
Theoretically, you can.
https://ttlc.intuit.com/questions/2567672-can-a-married-person-claim-head-of-household-filing-status
Not only must you each have a qualifying person (usually a child) living with you, you must not have spent even one night in the other spouse's home during the last half of the year. http://finance.zacks.com/can-married-woman-head-household-irs-6373.html
Even if you can, you should do comparative returns as Married Filing Jointly may still be better. You can use this tool https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/calculators/taxcaster/?s=1
I don't want to claim head of household
Based on the qualifications of Spouses living apart, you may qualify as Head of Household. IRS has an interactive tax assistant tool that asks a series of questions to determine your filing status.
For tax purposes, you may be considered unmarried.
The IRS also requires all taxpayers who file as head of household to be "considered unmarried" as of the last day of the tax year. To be considered unmarried means:
If the above criteria is not met, you may elect to file married filing jointly or married filing separately.
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