Two of the comments on this old discussion would seem to be relevant to your situation.
https://ttlc.intuit.com/community/state-taxes/discussion/how-are-wash-sales-involving-spouses-treate...
If you file jointly, you are one taxpayer. You are definitely subject to the wash rule if one of you sold securities and the other bought them and you coordinated your activities.
If you file separately, the IRS still considers spouses to be subject to the wash rule, although it may be harder for them to catch you. However, if you are audited, the fact that you filed separately will not protect you. Filing separately can also result in other financial penalties, such as the loss of IRA deductions and the loss of certain child tax benefits, plus higher tax rates.
The prior comment also notes that the tax courts do not always agree with the IRS that spouses are subject to the wash rule, it depends on whether the spouses invest independently or coordinate their activities.
If it is a large dollar amount you are worried about, you should get professional advice.
