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There are two kinds of dependents, qualifying child and qualifying relative. You can't claim the child as a qualifying child dependent. If you don't have custody more than half the nights of the year, you can't claim your child unless the custodial parent gives you a signed form 8332 releasing the dependent exemption to you. Sometimes, courts will order that the custodial parent sign the form as part of the financial arrangement between parents sharing custody. But without that form you have no ability or right to claim the child as a qualifying child dependent.
Now, qualifying relative gets tricky in your situation. You can claim your child as a qualifying relative dependent even if you don't live with the child, if all of the following are true:
1. The child earns less than $4050 in their own name.
2. You pay more than half the child's total support.
3. No other taxpayer can claim the child as a qualifying child dependent.
Your ex has the first right to claim the child as a qualifying child dependent, and she is a taxpayer if she has more than $10,350 of taxable income, or if she has less income and files a tax return to claim the dependent, EIC, or any other deductions and credits.
Now, you say she lets "others" claim the child as a dependent. If those "others" are a close relative (like a parent/grandparent or sister/aunt) who lives in the same home as the child for at least half the year, then that relative can also claim the child as a qualifying child dependent. But if the "other" is a boyfriend and they are not married, then the boyfriend can only claim the child as a qualifying relative dependent, not a qualifying child dependent. And the boyfriend can only use qualifying relative if the boyfriend pays more than half the child's expenses. If the "others" are non-relatives, they can't claim the child under any circumstances unless they live with the child for the entire year and also pay more than half the child's expenses.
So, what you can do is claim the child as a qualifying relative dependent. This will get you the dependent exemption and the child tax credit but does not qualify you for head of household or EIC, because the child would have to live with you more than half the year to claim those things. In turbotax, answer the dependent questions honestly (child does not live with you, no one else can claim, you pay more than half the expense, etc.) and it should work.
If someone else has already filed and claimed the child, you will be blocked from e-filing, but you can print your return and mail it in, and the IRS will eventually investigate the duplicate dependent claim. You will need proof of your argument that no other taxpayer can claim the child as a qualifying child, and that you pay more than half their expense and are allowed to claim the child as a qualifying relative. How easy or hard it will be to make your case depends on exactly who your ex has been allowing to claim the child and what their relationship to the child is.
If you believe these same facts apply to your situation for 2013, 2014 and 2015, you can file amended returns to claim the dependent for those years as well. Amended returns take 5-6 months to process and will trigger the same investigation of the child's dependent status, so you will need strong proofs of your facts for each year. Again, the proof will depend on who else claimed your child. If your ex earned even $100 and filed a tax return to claim $10 of EIC, that makes her a taxpayer and you are disqualified from using the qualifying relative claim. But if the person who claimed the child is not allowed, then that person should (in theory) lose the dependent exemption and have to pay back part of their tax refund with interest and penalties.
Read this very carefully before you take action IRS publication 501. https://www.irs.gov/uac/About-Publication-501
So, if I am the non-custodial parent (who works full time and pays child support) but the custodial parent is NOT a taxpayer (as they already tried to file taxes but could not since they did not work or pay taxes) can I legally claim my children without the form?
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