Turbotax won't take my credit card(s). Looks like a system issue...and customer service says it's open until 9PM Pacific but per recording says it's closed. WTAF?

It would not be 9 PM Pacific.

See How do I contact TurboTax? (intuit.com)

You need to contact customer service during the hours when the billing department is open.  Customer service can only get you to the billing department.  That department is in Mountain Time Zone and open from 9-4 Mountain Time Monday through Friday.  Call after 11:00 AM Eastern time and insist on getting help from the billing department.  No one else can help with this.