Provider is refusing to give me ssn , what do I do ?

You report her name, address, telephone number, etc and let IRS track her down for tax fraud. See IRS Form 2441 instructions at IRS.gov. You may also inform provider you're going to do what's legally required to get credit - or not try. Depends on how you feel about provider ...

You could recommend that the provider apply for a tax identification number so that he or she does not have to use her social security number. 

Your care provider can go to the link below and apply and receive an employer tax identification number in about 10 minutes.

https://www.irs.gov/businesses/small-businesses-self-employed/apply-for-an-employer-identification-n...