You should file Maried Filing Joint as it is the most favorable filing status in which case both of you can claim the child.
If you file Married Filing Separate, only one of you can claim the child
To adjust your W-4to your satisfaction, see
https://ttlc.intuit.com/questions/1901003-how-do-i-change-my-future-paycheck-withholdings
but we are filing jointly not separately. both of us claimed 4 on our allowances and also claimed our 2 year old daughter. Do you think claiming 4 on w4 is too high. we don't want to pay owe taxes and you're saying only 1 of us can claim our child on our w4. So maybe we each claim her every other year.
No, I am saying that only one of you can deduct the child on your tax return if you file Married Filing Separate. Your W-4 is for withholding purposes.
I am married and we file the married filing jointly. Just from my research only one of us can claim the allowance of 4. I do not want to owe as well so my wife claims 0 on her W4 and I claim 4. Also, she pays an additional $25 per pay period just in case. As this is my first time doing this I am going to adjust my W4 back to 0 in September just in case I was wrong and had too many allowances.