How do I access a 1095 not using healthcare.gov? I pay my own health insurence withought connection from work, and cannot find it.

The form 1095-A would be issued by the healthcare marketplace, that is the only place you could get the form. 

I can not find the form, and it isn’t listed on my insurance account, how else can I get a hold of it?

From whom did you buy the health insurance? If not from HealthCare.gov, did you buy it from a state marketplace? Did you buy this insurance from any marketplace. As Thomas said, that's where you would find the copy of the 1095-A.