I tried talking to a human- the IRS says there is no record of my taxes- yet you state it is accepted. How can I talk to someone to ensure my return is being processed?

Once your return has been Accepted for processing by the IRS, TT receives no further updates, and cannot legally intervene on your behalf.  But you have lots of company.  The IRS is seriously backlogged, and is even still dealing with several million 2019 returns left over from the COVID shutdown.  In addition, the Where's My Refund site has been erratic and unreliable.   Lots of folks are waiting, so please continue to be patient.  This article says it all:

The IRS is behind in processing nearly 7 million tax returns, an early warning sign the agency is under strain - The Washington Post