I did the 2020 401k cares act and opted for 3 years, I need to amend 2021 taxes but im getting a refund for 2022, I will owe for 2021, which should I file 1st?

Your amended 2021 return will take months to process.....it is taking the IRS six to nine months to process amended returns.  When you amend 2021 you will have to file it by mail.

Only a 2022 return can be e-filed.  

You could file 2022 now, get the refund then you will have the money to send a payment with the 2021 amended return.  But be aware, if you have the money now to pay the 2021 balance due then file the amended return and pay it NOW since the longer you take to file and pay the amended return the more it will cost you in penalties and interest. 

Thank you. Any idea on how interest and penalties are calculated? Does turbotax calculate that automatically or does that come after I amend my taxes?

The IRS will bill you after they get your payment.