Retirement tax questions

I'm utterly baffled by this. I appreciate the response though.

So because I use a digital service for my friends to pay me back, rather than them paying with cash, I'm considered self-employed? I would be a terrible self-employed person because I have made zero dollars using this. I don't "charge" people, it's simply used as a convenience measure. It's no different than going out to dinner with friends and one person paying the bill, then everyone else paying that person.  Beyond that, I do not sub-lease the property. Everyone, including me, is listed on the original lease with the landlord. I simply collect all funds and then turn them over to the landlord.

It just seems absurd to me that I that I would have to claim an additional 33k in income form something I derived no benefit from other than the convenience of not having to carry cash. Isn't there some kind of documentation that I could turn over to prove this? I have nothing to hide from the IRS. I'd have absolutely no problem turning over my bank records and my Google Wallet records. Luckily I pay for 99% of everything using a credit/debit card so the records exist with my bank.

Obviously this is something I don't want to deal with in the future and will therefore cease the large majority of my Google Wallet transactions in the future.