"For example, say I received 12k for grants and scholarships, but 10k went directly to college and I never saw a penny of it. Say I received 2k as a refund check in the mail and used that for child care expenses and rent."
You're contradicting yourself. What's obvious to me based on what you say, is that the school did "in fact" receive the entire 12K scholarships. Then they applied 10K of it to your qualified expenses. The remaining 2K was paid to you in the form of a check from the college. So you did "in fact" touch 2K of it. That 2K is taxable income to you the student. No if's, and's or buts about it.
Now if you use that 2K for other things that are tax deductible, then weather or not it's education related is irrelevant. If it's a tax deductible expense, then it's tax deductible. If it's not a tax deductible expense, then it's taxable income to you.
