The 3 year rule should only be chosen if you will get all of your money back in 3 years. General rule will determine the taxable part of a distribution from a contributory plan other than an IRA.
NJ taxes retirement savings while working and then gives an exclusion for retirement pay. See page 21 of Resident Income Tax Return Instructions lines 28a and 28b for exclusions.
To see your forms and verify you are getting the correct exclusion:
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