@camille22
You need to find an enrolled agent but I think you did this transfer in the wrong manner and you are going to pay for your lack of knowledge. The IRS can often waive the penalty especially if you have a good cause or if this is your first time with a penalty assessment. But you owe the tax, and the interest can’t be waived although it can be recalculated if the penalty is removed.
If you had waited until the divorce was final and obtained a QDRO, the money would’ve been transferred from you to your ex without tax consequences. With the way you did the transfer, you made a withdrawal which is fully taxable to you, and your ex is not allowed to do a rollover, so their contribution would be limited to $5000. (If it would make you feel better, you can tip off the IRS to your ex‘s mistake if they didn’t already catch it.)
