One note of caution regarding IVF. This is an area currently in flux, and the court case that currently controls the issue is unfavorable to the LGBT community.
In brief, you can only use HSA funds to pay for medical expenses that would also be tax-deductible on schedule A. Fertility services are tax-deductible when needed to cure, treat or mitigate the effects of natural disease, injury or disability. However, a court has ruled that when used by healthy same-sex couples to have children, IVF, surrogacy and other fertility services are not deductible because they are not being use to treat the results of disease. That means that HSA funds can also not be used to pay for fertility services of healthy same-sex couples.
As I said, this ruling is unpopular, but the court essentially said, "this is what the law says, and if you want to change the law, Congress has to do it."
This situation may not apply to you, but I don't want to make assumptions either way. Just to let you know the issue.
And if your wife has medical concerns and can't conceive without medical intervention, then fertility treatments would be a deductible (and HSA-eligible) medical expense even if you are in a same-sex marriage.
You also never can HSA funds to pay medical expenses of a sperm donor or surrogate mother, no matter what your gender orientation and medical needs may be. This is because HSA funds may be used to pay for expenses for yourself, your spouse and your dependents, and an outside person like a sperm donor or surrogate is not yourself or your spouse or your dependent.
