An HSA has only one owner. I assume if the qualifying HDHP was through your employer, then the HSA was in your name. If your medical insurance was a family HDHP and you had no other coverage that would disqualify you, your contribution maximum was $7100, or $8100 if you are age 55 or older. How much did you contribute? I suspect you did not actually over-contribute because Turbotax would have alerted you. I don't know how the HSA thinks they know this.
Then, I assume your HSA bank did a rollover to a new HSA with them. Presumably your employer-sponsored HSA had lower fees or did not charge a monthly fee, so the HSA bank rolled you over into a private-owner HSA that charged a monthly maintenance fee. I'm not sure it was legal to do this without your permission, or at least giving you warning. Did they?
Once you have money in an HSA, you are allowed to spend it for qualified medical expenses at any time, even if you no longer qualify to make new contributions. You can hold the account indefinitely, subject to whatever monthly maintenance fee they might charge.
For 2021, it sounds like you are contributing to an HSA in your wife's name through her employer. I have some thoughts on this as well, but let's get 2020 straightened out first.
