If you do not qualify, and it appears that you don't, she is not entitled to claim you. If she did, and you also claim yourself as independent, the IRS should contest it and allow you to keep your refund. If you have been filing as independent each year, this should have already happened in the past.
If you have a problem with the state, contact them. Your returns should speak for themselves. If she is determined to be in the wrong, she will have to pay back Federal and the state.
