It depends. Since you entered New York State as your Home of Record state, this is your resident state. All of your military income will be allocated to the state of New York as the state of Virginia is a non-resident state to you for income tax purposes. Your wife however can choose her state of residence whether it be Virginia or NYS. All of her income will be reported as a Virginia resident if she hasn't formally declared NYS as her resident state. This privilege is awarded to her under the Military Spouse Residency Relief Act.
If you wish to change your State of Legal Residence (SLR), you need to submit form DD Form 258 to your local finance officer to change from NY to Virginia. You may wish however to delay this choice unless Virginia is your permanent duty station.
let us know if this addresses your specific concern.
What is my Military State of Residence
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