1 - You do not need the ITIN to file by mail - - the ITIN is what allows you to e-file - you need a 9 digit number that the IRS will electronically accept. If you get one, you will be able to e-file in the future - but not this year. The only way you are e-filing this year is by incorrectly filing as Single (or HoH). Otherwise, whether filing jointly or separately, the 9 digit number (SSN or ITIN) is needed to electronically file.
2 - No
3 - If you are married, your choices are MFJ or MFS - and both of those require your wife's info - unless you have an other dependent you support in your home - you could qualify for Head of Household and not need her info. The return will e-file if you file as Single and no information from your wife will be required.
4 -You can't. A 9 digit number (SSN or ITIN) is required to e-file a tax return MFS or MFJ. Things may change in the future, of course, but as of today, you can't.
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