they cant find our ssn

Be sure to enter the head of household's social security number.

Make sure you are using the refund amount from your actual federal tax return and not the combined amount Turbo Tax showed you at the end.  That was for federal and state combined.

Did you efile?  Did you go all the way through the File tab, through the 3 steps and hit the big orange Transmit Returns Now button?  You can check your efile status here     <a rel="nofollow" target="_blank" href="https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/efile-status-lookup/">https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tools/ef...

When you efile you get back 2 emails.  The first email only confirms the transmission.  The second email says if the IRS (or state) Accepted or Rejected your efile.

my refund ws excepted but I haven't gotten yet

IRS Where's my refund <a rel="nofollow" target="_blank" href="https://www.irs.gov/refunds/">https://www.irs.gov/refunds/</a>
Make sure you are using the refund amount from your actual federal tax return and not the combined amount Turbo Tax showed you at the end.  That was for federal and state combined.

When you input your information, please be sure to enter the whole refund amount for your Federal only, do not deduct any fees.