You do need the social security number to list the children on the tax return. Some other places that you can sometimes find the number include permanent records such as school and medical records.
If you cannot locate the number through your own research, you may wish to reach out to the clerk of the court that issued the order and ask for assistance. They may be able to issue an order to the other parent to provide the information to you.
Unfortunately, that is a legal matter that only the proper legal channels can assist you with.
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