You may be right and the IRS may rule in your favor. But if your proof is not substantial, then the IRS may rely on the court document. In addition, you risk contempt of court rulings by the judge. Like you said "opening a huge can of worms". But since there's money on the table, you could try negotiating with her.
Here's how the IRS procedure works: If someone else claimed your child inappropriately, and if they file first, your return will be rejected if e-filed. You would then need to file a return on paper, claiming the child as appropriate. The IRS will process your return and send you your refund, in the normal time. Shortly (up to a year) thereafter, you'll receive a letter from the IRS, stating that your child was claimed on another return. It will tell you that if you made a mistake to file an amended return and if you didn't make a mistake to do nothing. The other party will get the same letter you did. If one of you doesn't file an amended return, unclaiming the child, the next letter, from the IRS, will require you to provide proof. Be sure to reply in a timely manner.
Winner gets the tax benefits; loser gets to pay the IRS back with penalties and interest. The custodial parent almost always wins. The non-custodial parent can only claim the child as a dependent if the custodial parent gives permission (on form 8332) or if it's spelled out in a pre 2009 divorce decree.
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