1. Not everybody uses a calendar year.
2. Yes, part- year. You were both VA residents for part of the year. You were both DC residents for part of the year. When your wife moved to MD briefly, I sincerely doubt that she took the time to establish a residence, move car insurance, get a new license, etc -but maybe she did. The question becomes, was she passing through as a non-resident or was she actually a resident.
Filing MFJ federal with the same as part year resident for VA and DC. Filing a MD nonresident return, either filing status is fine and MFJ would keep it simple.
3. No. DC does require the same filing status as federal, see filing status here
The federal and states do share information. If a state requires the same fling as federal, you will eventually get caught.
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