Just posted mine at 12:17 EST, so the clock is now ticking for me. Will reply when accepted.
Thank you @BligBlueLaser and @marytony for all of the information the last few weeks, including the very informative (and hilarious) post that addressed this whole debacle to begin with... (https://ttlc.intuit.com/community/taxes/discussion/federal-return-rejection-reject-code-f8960-019-04...)
