@ediben11
Several points.
First, you can’t file a joint federal return unless both spouses agree.
Second, you must generally file your state tax returns with the same status as your federal tax returns. However, if the two spouses are permanent residents of different states, it is usually possible to file as married filing separately in the two different states after filing a joint federal return. This is somewhat tricky to do in TurboTax and we could advise you further if this is what you decide to do.
Third, it’s generally impossible to ever prove that something didn’t happen. If audited, the IRS is not going to ask for something unreasonable, like photographic evidence that the other half of your bed was empty every single day since July 1 of the year. If audited, you need to show by reasonably persuasive evidence that you and your spouse have established permanently separate households. In other words, households that are not temporarily separated as discussed in the regulations that I quoted. You may have other evidence—such as emails or text messages, signing a long term lease, changing voter registration, car registration, and so on—of showing the IRS that your separation is not temporary.
You started this discussion by indicating that you and your spouse were separated for work and that you were trying to convince each other to move. You have now changed your story somewhat to suggest that the marriage is close to ending on account of the job situation. The ultimate question for the IRS, if you are audited, would be whether or not your separation is temporary or permanent. Are you “considered unmarried“ under the definition of the regulation? Have you lived separate lives since July 1 of the tax year?
It is certainly possible and completely legal for spouses who meet the definition of “considered unmarried“ and who both have different qualifying child dependents, to both file as head of household. You have to determine whether you fit the regulations and requirements. We can only explain the regulations and offer suggestions, but we don’t know your facts and circumstances as well as you do.
