One Day From Homeless, Our Story

[Alison]

ONE DAY FROM HOMELESS, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?

People are in shock when I tell them that my husband and I had been one day from homeless. They respond, NO WAY! They can't believe it. Friends knew us as middle class. We still look, middle class. We behave middle class. There is not anything that gives us away. Since everything fails to confirm our financial situation and living circumstances, I have no choice but to tell them our story, One Day From Homeless.

OUR STORY

When my husband and I became a couple in 1994, everything was fine. We had a house on the beach. We each had a car. Both of us had college degrees. I had a small business. He had a job and was completing a Counseling Certificate.

We both came from good homes. I was from the south shore of Long Island while he was from the North. We had good upbringings and were community members in good standing. There was nothing to foretell what was to come.

A MIDDLE-CLASS LIFE

We lived a comfortable middle-class life. Things all seemed headed in a great direction. The house we owned skyrocketed in value. We sold it at the top of the market right before housing decided to turn south and crash.

My husband had a job injury that led to a layoff. As a result, he was able to go back to school full time. He studied graphic design and got a terrific job in NYC in 2000. I had a decorative painting business. It was going well. For a while, things were going great.

GREAT TAKES A TURN FOR THE WORSE

But then the stock market showed signs of instability. My planner said it was just a bear market that would correct itself. My gut disagreed. But she was the professional, so I held on. At the same time, changes were going on at my husband's job. He had to commute one and a half hours each way to New Jersey during the reconstruction of their Manhattan headquarters.

When they returned to NYC, he got a new boss. From day one, they were like 'oil and water.' The working relationship went from bad to worse. As if some quirk of fate had orchestrated it, everything felt like an avalanche gathering downhill speed simultaneously.

THEN CAME 2008

My husband had just turned 62. So he could collect social security. But he preferred to keep working and wait until age 67. But he got laid off. It was bound to happen. Better than the homicide or heart attack I feared would happen from working with his boss.

The mutual funds that were supplying a small income for me were competing in a similar downhill race. And it all crashed at once. That was in 2008. My husband's job was gone, and our funds were dwindling. If it had not been for President Obama's extension of unemployment insurance from 26 to 99 weeks and his decrease in COBRA insurance from $1500/month to $500/month, our demise would have come much sooner.

THE HANGOVER OF 2009

As we continued to live on dwindling savings and my husband's pension, I felt more and more despair. I had never felt this way before. I started carrying my toothbrush and dental floss with me everywhere I went. Something didn't feel right. At first, I started having terrible pains in the area of my gall bladder. In attempting to heal that without surgery, I began to have a severe emotional swing, a downward crash.

As much as I fought it, I could not stop falling. I fell into a deep, dark hole where there was nothing. There was no hope; no future and time almost came to a standstill.

I was having a nervous breakdown. With five visits to the emergency room, I ended up in the psychiatric unit of the local hospital from two of the ER visits. That is where I spent much of my summer, in and out of it the unit. Then I was in the aftercare program. I don't know which aspect of that ordeal was the worst part. The only saving grace was that I was in air conditioning all summer.

VEGETABLE OR HUMAN

My husband was terrified that the prescribed medicine overload would leave me vegetative for life. But he stuck by me visiting me in the hospital every day, twice each day. He didn't even tell me about the day he got hit by a car when he was riding his bike. He didn't want to upset me. He told me about it years later. Thank God, he was OK.

Somehow, I finally got on the right medicine, from seven at one point down to a reasonable, workable two. I found an excellent therapist and started to see a pinhole of daylight out of that black hole.

SAYING GOODBYE TO OUR MONEY

But one thing did not stop. That was the drip, drip, drip of our money going down the drain, as we had to support a Middle-Class life of expenses on a Poor Middle-Class income. But we did not identify what it was at the time.

My husband continued to seek work to put us back in balance. But in terror, I counted the months our funds would last. By then, we were in 'the system,' Medicare, Medicaid, and food stamps. But what were we going to do about our housing situation?

We had a two-bedroom apartment and no idea what we were going to do or where we were going to go. We thought the answer was to get evicted since that would bide our time or so we thought.

ALMOST HOMELESS

Thank God, we did not go that route. It would have been a mark against us for future housing applications. Our landlord was wonderful. He patiently worked with us, accepting what we had left to give him. First, it was our deposit as a month's rent and then one of my husband's best paintings as the final month's rent.

By then, we were down to another level in 'the system,' the search for emergency housing. Miraculously, with the help of a friend, we found a senior housing opening. It usually takes years to get in. First, you apply to a waiting list to wait on another list to apply for an apartment.

LIFE IN A STUDIO APARTMENT

But the housing that we found in record time, two weeks, was a studio apartment. That was the only drawback. The building was lovely, centrally located, and most importantly, it would provide a roof over our heads in a beautiful building. For several weeks, before we found the studio apartment, we thought we could end up homeless.

Then there was a paperwork screw up with the county's bureaucracy at the very last minute. We had gone there for our 'one-shot,' the money for our apartment deposit. We waited over 3 hours for it. But at the very last minute, it was denied to us. We had $8 too much money to our names. We were supposed to be delivering the deposit for the new apartment the next day. I was panicked. That was the closest we have come to becoming homeless. It is something I pray that we would never experience again.

MIRACLES DO HAPPEN

At the last minute, the money we needed for our deposit was made available by a charitable organization when they heard our story. After the three unnerving hours we had spent in the county's facility, we drove another hour to the place that saved us with their donation. But I have to admit that the six months starting with the countdown of funds to almost homeless was probably the scariest time in my life. I felt so powerless.

MOVING FORWARD

It is hard to believe that we have been living in our building for about four years. We were even able to move into a one-bedroom apartment about a year and a half ago. It feels like a palace after two and a half years in a studio. We see the trees out our window and feel like we can contact the sky.

My husband was able to go for advanced training in the counseling field. He has been interning doing that. I have been learning how to adjust to being Poor Middle Class, not as a punishment but as a badge of courage.

A GIFT

We believe that the experiences of the last eight years have shown us how to learn how to survive from a place of surrender, gratitude, and humility. It has been and is still quite a journey. What we have learned and continue to learn is a gift.

It is a gift that has been given to us to pass on to others. Let us continue to experience this new life as a gift. Let us also continue to pass on joyfully, what we have learned, and continue to learn. Let our experience help others who are now where we once were, almost homeless and part of the former middle-class.

[dewilson2023]

@Alison I'm homeless now and it sucks. I stay in a hotel with my mother and two nephews. Was really hoping for my return but was placed on Review. All our plans to move forward stopped. I feel for my mom for this is not our first time. She has no support system but myself. Her kids and grandkids are mixed. My mom has had to go through life totally alone with no guidance in which sometimes you take the wrong path. But has done her best to overcome obstacles. Every day you feel stuck. Stuck financially, emotionally, physically. Like nothing you do can pull you through. We cannot pick the job we want because one of us has to always be here for my nephew's. Glad you have only come close to it because I have lived it more than once and I'm only 23. 

[kushirflp]

Life is hard and difficult but nothing impossible to keep trying.
I have lived alone since I was 13 years old living as a homeless throughout South America now that I am over 40 years old, and having arrived in the country of opportunities, I think those years were difficult for me and what it did to me every day stronger and with more experience of how to live in this world, now I have a family and I continue working 14 hours a day to have what I never had when I was a child.

[Alison]

kushirflp

Thank you for sharing your experience with our community in response to my post. 

Congratulations on your hard work and your learning good work ethics. It certainly has paid off. You have a family which is the most valuable thing in life. You have a way to earn a living, as well.

One thing also to remember is to celebrate life, and enjoy it. A balance of work and 'play' is important.

@Alison 

[Alison]

dewilson2023

 I am so sorry for your plight. I do not know how I could or would deal with being homeless. I give you a lot of credit for what you are doing to help your family. I pray for a positive solution for all of you.

Sincerely,
@Alison