The IRS will not tell you who claimed your dependent, but most often times it is one of the following:
The other parent
The child claimed his own exemption
Some other member of the household (e.g. grandparent)
Someone else the child lived with for part of the year
If someone else claims your child inappropriately, and if they file first, your return will be rejected. You would then need to file a paper tax return by mail, claiming the child(ren) as appropriate. The IRS will process your return and send you your refund in the normal time-frame. Your return will not be held up because of this.
Later, after tax refunds are sent, you'll receive a letter from the IRS, stating that your child(ren) was claimed on another return. They will inform you that your dependents were claimed on multiple tax returns and instruct you to amend your return if necessary The other taxpayer that claimed the child will get the same letter. If one of you doesn't file an amended return and remove the child, the IRS will follow up and seek proof as to which parent is the custodial parent (had the child > 50% of the nights during the year) and eligible to claim the child tax benefits. Be sure to reply in a timely manner.
Winner gets the tax benefits; loser gets to pay back the IRS with penalties and interest. The custodial parent almost always wins. The non-custodial parent can only claim the child as a dependent IF the custodial parent gives permission (on Form 8332) or if it's spelled out in a pre-2009 divorce decree.
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