First of all, it really does not matter who is listed first. All the IRS strongly suggests is that whoever is listed first continue to be listed first on subsequent tax returns. Changing the order can cause havoc with their computers and delay your return processing.
Second, you cannot claim the Head of Household filing status if you are married. And only a couple that are married as of 12/31/16 can file a joint return using the Married Filing Jointly filing status.