If the refund was taken for the child support she needs to talk to that agency to see why she didn't get any of it... he may be lying.
And you don't need anyone's permission to claim the child ... you will simply file a joint return with your wife and put the child on the joint return. Since she is the custodial parent according to the IRS rules she has every right to claim the child. If he is claiming the child then your filing will stop him ... and if he files before you then you MUST mail in the return. This way you will "turn him in" for his wrong doing.
