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No, you do not have to pay tax in San Diego under your circumstances, and you do not have to have the same domicile as your spouse.
https://www.edd.ca.gov/Payroll_Taxes/FAQ_-_Military_Spouses_Residency_Relief_Act.htm
The fact that WA is a community property state would have nothing to do with your need to file in CA. You should call again and see if you can talk to someone who has a better understanding of military spouse tax law.
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